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- 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating | Psychology Today
- Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating
Same as before I confronted him and he said it was all just banter — nothing serious. Since then I have found him using chat sites, dating sites and other social media sites with the same sort of content. More recently, I found an escort agency number on his phone.
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- 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating | Psychology Today.
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So now I'm really stuck. I really don't know what to do. I love this man with every piece of me and I thought he felt the same way, so why is he doing this to me? Whenever I confront him he gets angry and says it's nothing. My head tells me to kick him out. I can't bring myself to completely end this relationship, but I can't keep feeling like this. I feel like I've said the same things over and over and I get the same response. That's the curious thing about saying the same thing over and over again.
The people we're talking to usually stop listening because they've heard it all before and think we don't really mean business. We tell partners how we feel in all sorts of ways. Now, there are reasons for this.
Sometimes it's just not safe to. Domestic abuse for instance often means that if a partner speaks out, they risk violence or further violence. Relationships where one partner is coercively controlling means that often the other person is likely to come off much worse if they speak out to their abuser. These are very serious situations and require additional support to help whoever is being abused to be safe.
From what you describe, it sounds as if your relationship has got into a pattern that really is an emotionally abusive one. You suspect something is wrong, you look for proof, you feel you find it, you confront him and then he either denies it or says it won't happen again. You tell me that when he does actually agree he's been in touch with other women, he also tells you that it meant nothing.
But, I suspect it means everything to you because he repeatedly breaks the trust that you're entitled to expect from a committed relationship.
There's nothing wrong with open partnerships but to make those work, each person has to be in full agreement that they want to run things this way. For you though, it sounds like you didn't sign up to that and are constantly on the alert, and as so often happens, ending up almost playing detective, trying to second guess every word and action.
That's exhausting. Read: hotels, restaurants, jewelry stores. The same goes for frequent flyer miles and credit card points, which a cheater may spend on a fling.
Cheaters often go to great lengths to avoid using their checking and credit card accounts, but there are many other ways to pay for a rendezvous, from Groupon to Paypal to Venmo, and they will still leave a trace of their transactions. Many popular devices utilize some form of location technology and often make it easier to have the service turned on than to disable it.
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If your spouse uses an Apple device that is connected to a family account and they have enabled location sharing, you can locate their device by logging on iCloud. If your spouse uses an Android phone and is logged on to Google on a shared computer, you can type "Find My Phone" into the search bar, and you'll be provided with the phone's location. As we become more reliant on GPS these days, you may also want to take a peek at your spouse's location history. For Google users, the "previous destinations" menu option on the navigation system may chronicle your spouse's movements; for Android users, the Google Timeline feature found in the Google Maps app or Google Maps online if they are logged in functions similarly.
If your spouse uses an iPhone, there is one place to be sure to look. Cheaters would have to be pretty stupid not to clear the search histories on their browsers. If they routinely access dating sites, especially hook-up services like Ashley Madison and AdultFriendFinder, they will probably think to cover their tracks, unless they like flirting with disaster as much as attractive strangers.
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10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating | Psychology Today
Search engines like Google do a remarkable job of guessing your search parameters, based on everything you have ever searched before. Take this a few steps further. Start typing each letter of the alphabet and see what pops up. The most dangerous habit for cheaters is to send photos and video. These media may spice things up, but they are vivid evidence of an affair, and such materials can be used as evidence in divorce proceedings — especially if a betrayed husband or wife can save or download copies. To keep these images and video covert, cheaters may have a special cloud service.
For example, the Keepsafe Photo Vault is designed to both store these media files and prevent others from accessing them.
Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating
Be sure to check on Amazon Prime because this service gives you a place to store your photos, too. If your cheater is savvy, he or she may know how to secretly embed an image into an audio or picture file. Tools like DeepSound or QuickStego make this point-and-click work for the casual cheater. The snoop usually suspects nothing unusual. The files appear to be ordinary. You need to know a special keystroke or code to unlock the files. Technological espionage is the least-healthy way to address these problems, and you should only use these techniques as a last resort.